HEARTFULLY ENTANGLED - CHAPTER 16 - THE ABSENCE AND THE ARRIVAL

 16 - The Absence And The Arrival

"It was not a coincidence. It was a destiny."

The evening breeze drifted through our garden, carrying the mixed fragrances of flowers, brushing gently against me as I sat on the swing of our home's garden.

I needed to complete my botany record notebook. 

I had opened my record notebook and pen a few minutes ago, but my hand refused to write, my thoughts lingering on Arun. His thoughts didn't bring me a smile this time. It brought me a worry, a restlessness.

It had been four days since the concert, but Shalini informed me that Arun sir was on leave for the consecutive three days which never happened before. None of his students knew the reason for it either, including Shalini.

What happened to him?

Was he sick?

If yes, did he have anyone to take care of or was he suffering alone?

Loneliness itself is a cruelty, but being alone when you are sick is the worst of it. When you are alone, the silence around you might be a companion. When you are lonely, the silence around you might be a burden you don't want to carry. But when you are sick, the silence around you would feel like a punishment for a crime you didn't even commit.

Was he living through it?

Oh god! 

I had a good opportunity to get his mobile number as a newspaper reporter itself. Why did I miss it? If I had his mobile number, I would have at least had a chance to know whether he was alright or not.

But now, all I could do was worry, and I hated that helplessness of just worrying without knowing anything.

As I kept my pen still in my notebook, his thoughts swirling inside me like a restless wave, my mobile rang, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I startled, my eyes landing on my mobile on the swing, which flashed Shalini.

Shalini.

She might be calling me to say something about Arun sir.

My heart skipped a beat with this thought and I reached for my mobile immediately. "Shalu, did your Arun sir come today? Is he alright?" That was all I could ask as soon as I answered the call, hoping for the best.

She took a moment to respond. "No, Diya...."

No??

He was still on leave??

For continuous four days?

My heart raced with intense restlessness as she added, "....But a new guitar teacher is appointed today."

What? 

It was unexpected. I was not just shocked. I was scared of wondering what happened to him, sweat beads erupting in my body, my fingers trembling slightly.

She added, "The management just introduced the new guitar teacher by saying Arun sir's mobile is switched off for more than three days. The address he gave to the management is also four years old. He vacated that house long before it seems, they said. He didn't contact the management to inform leave, either. They said they didn't have any other choice than replacing him for his irresponsible behaviour. The entire guitar class students are worried as he was really a good teacher who treated us with respect. I don't think he is irresponsible. We have seen him coming to the class with a fever when he needed to train a student for a competition. If he was irresponsible, why would he strain himself with a fever? I feel like something is wrong with him. If he is fine, he would have at least informed leave. But how to know what happened to him? We don't know his home, his friends....We know nothing. I think we cannot see him anymore, but I hope he is fine somewhere." Her voice carried a dismay.

What was she even saying?

Her words felt like he disappeared suddenly without any trace. And, the fact that he had no family and the fact that he was no longer a teacher in the music academy intensified the twist in my chest.

I wanted to believe he was alright. I wanted to convince my mind with some positive thoughts. But my overthinking mind swallowed all the positive thoughts in me, leaving my mind with some worse scenarios, causing a chill run through my spine.

Shalini's words, 'I feel like something is wrong with him. If he is fine, he would have at least informed leave. But how to know what happened to him?' echoed in my mind, the trembles in my hand spreading to my entire body.

I didn't want to accept either my overthinking mind or her words. I wanted to find him, make sure he was alright, and prove both my overthinking mind and her words wrong. But where could I go and search for him in the vast world? Especially, when I was just a 16 to 17 year old girl? I couldn't ask for help from my parents, either, as Shalini or I had no connection with Arun directly.  

I felt helpless. Utterly helpless. 

My throat dried, the mix of helplessness and fear creeping in me, making me fall out of words.

"I....I will call you later," I said to Shalini, disconnected the call even before she responded and kept my mobile away. I wanted to pray. For him.

When things are beyond your hands, when you are helpless, when the world seems to give no hope, God is the only help and hope. 

And, I needed no temples or pooja rooms to pray. Though I had visited temples, churches and mosques with my family and friends, though I loved to visit a Vishnu temple nearby our home for its beautiful architecture and calming ambience, I had always believed, God is not bound to the particular places or walls or idols. God is one, God is everywhere, and God listens when the prayer is done wholeheartedly. I believed it.

I closed my eyes, intertwining my fingers, and murmured, "I wanted to meet him, get his friendship, and heal the pain of loneliness I saw in his eyes. But you made him vanish from my reach. I don't know why you did it. Maybe, I will never know it. But please keep him safe. Let him be healthy, and let someone stand by him to heal his loneliness. If no one, you be with him. I hope he is alright somewhere in the world and I hope you are with him to protect him, not only from the pain of loneliness, but also from any other cruelties of the world. If he ever feels loneliness, if he ever thinks no one is there even to think of him, tell him someone is praying for him everyday. Not because she has to, but because she wants to. She wants those sea-green eyes to hold only love and innocence, no pain and loneliness. And, she will always pray for it even if he is not in front of her. Tell him this and let him know he is not orphaned, and he is always present in someone's prayers." I opened my eyes, my eyes brimming with tears.

I didn't know the reason for my tears. Maybe, it was because of my helplessness of not being able to know what happened to him. Maybe, it was because I wouldn't be able to meet him again. Maybe, it was because whatever felt like a new beginning came to an abrupt end without even a true beginning. Maybe, because the fictional feel I had with him had ended the fictional itself with just a flash of real time. Or maybe, it was because of all the above.

But the prayer had erased the negative thoughts in me. I believed he was healthy somewhere in the world and God would protect him from any dangers. And, it was enough for me.

I wiped my tears with those thoughts, inhaled deep, and took my pen to complete my record notebook.

I couldn't concentrate on the record notebook completely, yet I managed to start writing, leaving my worries to God.

The days rolled down to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.

Almost two years had passed.

In those two years, my world had changed a lot. I withdrew my idea of joining the music academy, completed my schooling with flying colours, and joined UG psychology in a well known college in my hometown, Chennai itself. My college life gave me three more best friends. Nisha, Kavya, and Gowtham. Shalini joined a music college in Mysore. We were still in contact, still shared our small joys and frustrations through mobile, but our conversations about Arun had slowly thinned to zero. 

It was not like we forgot him. At least, I didn't forget him. I still searched for him in the crowd whenever I went out, hoping to see him alright. I still prayed for him everyday like a ritual. But we just didn't have anything to talk about him. There was no new detail, no heart fluttering moments to share, no smiles thinking of him, no teasing. There was just a lingering worry that had slowly turned into silent prayers. Until one beautiful evening!

The sun dipped itself into the horizon, painting the sky beautifully with the hues of orange and lavender. The faint scent of the mixed fragrances of seasonal ashoka flowers and perennial jasmine flowers lingered in the air as I played badminton with Vijay in our home's garden, the laughter between us mixing with the fragrances around us.

Vijay shot the shuttlecock high towards me, and I struck it with a swift jump, sending it beyond Vijay's reach.

As Vijay's eyes followed the shuttle helplessly, I jumped, clapping my hands. "I am the winner. I am the winner."

He faked a childish pout at me as we had a deal that whoever won that match should prepare a fruit salad for the winner with the winner's favourite fruits and now he needed to prepare it for me. 

With a great disappointment on his face, he walked inside our home as if he was going for a war, calling, "Maa....."

Of course, he was going for a war. Because my favourite fruit was pomegranate and he always found it hard to peel it and to separate the seeds without crushing them or without splattering the juices everywhere. He always battled with pomegranates.

I burst out into laughter, my mind already imagining the red pomegranate juice everywhere on his grey t-shirt.

Suddenly, the large gate of our home creaked open.

I turned my eyes towards the gate, expecting the delivery guy as I ordered some books online.

But it was not the delivery guy.

It was him.

Arun.

Oh my god!

Was I dreaming or was it really him?

I blinked twice in disbelief, narrowed my eyes, looking at him puzzled. My heartbeats began to race in a way I myself could hear it in my own ears.

I felt as if I was struck between two contrast worlds. Dream and reality! And, I was unable to recognise in which world I was present exactly.

But the moment he began to step towards me, the clang of the nearby Shiv temple bell echoed faintly in the air, marking the time as evening 6. It was the gentle chime I used to hear everyday. But that day, it confirmed I was not dreaming.

Yes, it was really him. 

I was frozen for a moment, the racquet slipping from my hand, landing on the grass. 

I always wished to see him again. But I never expected to see him in our home itself. Like this.

It was completely unexpected. It was magical. The faint echo of the temple bell made the moment divine, too.

Maybe, the divine, magical meets are unexpected, unplanned, but planned by God. Destiny.

Nothing had changed in him or in his eyes even after two years. Those eyes still had pain. In fact, intensified pain as if he fell into a deep depression and tiredness.

I didn't know whether to feel happy for meeting him again or to feel disheartened to witness the depression in his eyes.

But I definitely felt magical, divine and heartwarming. God might have not healed the pain in his eyes, but he was fine. God protected him and brought him back to me to heal the pain in his eyes. After two whole years! Though it was delayed, it was not too late. It was enough for me to be grateful to God.

He walked towards me, his eyes scanning our garden around.

I stood there, my eyes glued on to him without knowing how to react at this sudden meet.

Should I smile or cry?

Should I stand there or run towards him?

Should I introduce myself as the person who played with him as a newspaper reporter?

Would he remember me even if I said it?

Maybe or Maybe not.

But why was he there to our home?

Whatever the reason for him to enter our home, I should not miss him to vanish into the vast world again.

I should do something to get his address or mobile number at least.

As my thoughts swirled in me, he stood in front of me and asked politely, "Hi, I am in search of a rental home. I saw the board here. Is it available?"

Oh my God!

Would he stay in our rental home?

It was again unexpected.

The thought of him, staying in our rental home, right beside our home, made me excited. So excited.

Once, I wanted to meet him at least once a week in the musical academy to get his friendship. But God brought him to my home to give me the chance to meet him everyday. 

Once, I wanted to take him out of his loneliness with my presence and friendship. Now, God had brought him near our family so that he would have, not only a friend like me, but also parents and brother in the form of my parents and brother.

God's plans are always great and generous. 

I wanted to jump in the excitement.

But how could I jump in front of him?

I shook my head up and down. "Oh, wait. Let me call my Maa," I responded and ran towards our home quickly.

As I stepped inside our home, I jumped, clapping my hands, my eyes looking up at the ceiling. "Thank you...thank you... thank you...," I was thanking God.

My mom intervened with me from the kitchen, "Diya, why are you jumping like this?"

Oh god!

I forgot the world around me in the excitement of meeting him.

I halted my legs and grinned at our mom, "That....Maa, I won in badminton."

Vijay rolled his eyes, sitting on the sofa with pomegranates and a plate in his hands. "Yes yes. Jump and clap as if you won an international match."

I shrugged. "Leave it, maa. Someone has come in search of a rental home," I said.

"Oh. Let me see," she said and headed out of our home.

I intertwined my fingers, closing my eyes, thanking God again, and walked out.

But as I stepped out, I found my mom refusing to give our rental home for him as he was a bachelor. It was not like she had something against bachelors in her mind. My mom was the kindest soul, I knew. My mom too would have felt bad when he mentioned himself as an orphan, I knew. But it was just that the house was not any ordinary rental property. It was the house where my dad's ancestors lived before building our villa. So my parents wanted to maintain it clean, and they felt the family would be the best option to leave their ancestral house in their hands.

But how could I leave him just like that?

He was not just a stranger in search of a rental house. It was him. Him! The only person whom my eyes searched for almost two years to know his welfare. The only person who stayed in my prayers for almost two years.

How could I leave him?

I never wanted to mention myself as an orphan, especially in front of my lovely family, but I used it to my mom just to convince her to give our rental house to him, apologizing to my mom in my mind.

As expected, she stopped my words before I could utter the word orphan and agreed to give our rental house to him.

When my mom asked for his details, I found out he was working in a musical academy which was ten kilometres away from our home. But I didn't know what was the reason for losing his job in the previous academy.

Anyway, I was so happy that he was going to stay just a few meters away from our home, inside the same gate. I thought of knowing the answers for all my questions, after getting his friendship.

But the way he shut the door when I told him to think of us as his family felt rude. It felt like he was shutting me out, not just the door.

But as a person who already knew he was not someone who would let people in easily, as a person who knew the sweet side of him, I didn't take his rudeness to my heart. More than I didn't, I simply couldn't.

I just smiled at the closed door, thinking of meeting him during the dinner, and walked back to our home.

As soon as I reached my room, I called Shalini and informed her about this excitedly.

She was so happy to know her Arun sir was somewhere living fine in those two years. She was not only happy, but also teased me, "When are you going to say it was you who faked like a newspaper reporter? I am waiting to hear he punched you nicely for your playful atrocities."

I smirked playfully, leaning back on my bed, stretching my legs out. "If he even raises his hand to punch me, I will grab his hand, twist his hand, and break his hand."

"Oh god." She laughed. "So sad of him. But tell me when are you going to tell him?"

I shrugged. "Soon. Whenever I am able to meet him alone without the presence of my parents, I will tell him. Let's see whether he remembers me or not. Let's see what his reaction is. I hope he doesn't really punch me for flirting with him just to trigger a forbidden fruit effect in him." I laughed, those memories of calling him Mr. Handsome, and flirting with him, flashing in my mind.

"Hmm." She laughed. "Okay, Diya. I have a group practice now. I will call you later. Bye."

"Hmm. Bye," I replied and disconnected the call, smiling to myself.

Later, that night, I called Arun to have dinner with us. I was casual with him as he was already a well-known person and a friend in my heart. I gave him a new nickname Mr. Music. Though I could understand the irritation, discomfort and hesitance in him even to talk with me, I tried my best to make him comfortable with me and our family. 

I thought this would be the beginning towards his healing.

But I never thought he was going to make me hurt, he was going to make me search for my own healing. But he did.

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With Love,
Nilah R.

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