HEARTFULLY ENTANGLED - CHAPTER 4 - THE SILENT BATTLES
My mobile blared inside my pocket, the loud music ripping through the suffocating silence of the hospital corridor. I startled, pulling it out, silencing it immediately and glanced at the screen.
It was the procurer. It was not an important call.
I heaved a sigh and disconnected the call, my eyes shifting to Diya again through the glass door.
But my mobile buzzed again.
Shit!
He was driving me up the wall. I exhaled sharply, pulled my mobile out again, and answered the call, striding away, "Hello, can’t you understand I am busy, if I am not attending the call?"
He ignored my words as if he didn’t hear my words at all and asked, "Where did you go yesterday? That girl said you were not there in front of the bar. No problem in it. She got another customer. But I just wanted to ask you why didn’t you go with her yesterday?"
What the fuck.
I stopped in my tracks, my fingers tightening on my mobile. "Listen... Know a thing first." I clenched my teeth. "It’s not your work to ask me where I went and what I did. Your only job is to send a woman, when I contact you. That’s it. If I am not able to meet her, it just means I am busy. She and you can carry on with any other customer. I don’t give a fuck about it. I am not obligated to explain anything to you."
"Why are you getting angry now? We have been friends for the last two years na? You haven’t missed anyone, too. But you disappeared yesterday. That’s why, I thought of asking you," he said.
Friends? What a delusion he had! He was just a procurer and I was his customer. Nothing more than that.
I shook my head in irritation, dragging my hand down my face. "Oh god! I am just your customer. I am not in a mood to talk with you now. Don’t call me now, please. I have more important work than speaking with you." I disconnected the call and walked back to Diya’s ward.
But within a few seconds, he called again.
My legs came to an abrupt halt as I clenched my jaw.
He didn’t only test my patience, but shattered my patience this time.
I answered the call and snapped, my voice firm, "I said don’t call me again. If I get a call again from you, you will not see the same Arun who contacts you, masking himself inside the alcohol. Instead, you will see the real, unmasked, raw Arun and you will regret seeing him." I disconnected the call, shoved my mobile into my pocket and turned back to Diya.
She was still struggling between life and death. Still caught in a cruel space where every minute felt like an era.
After a long wait, the door of the ward creaked open, her dad stepping out.
His face felt as if he was dead. Soulless! His eyes were brimming with unshed tears.
The sight of him without hope twisted the pit of my stomach.
Her mom asked restlessly, standing up from the chair. "How is our Diya?"
There was no response from him.
He just walked to the waiting chair, and settled into it, burying his face in his palms.
What did his actions mean?
My heartbeats turned into palpitations and I swallowed hard.
Her mom knitted her eyebrows and shouted, "I am asking you only, Krishna. How is our Diya?"
He looked up at her, his eyes filled with infinite pain and said, "I am not able to see her in this condition. I am not able to treat her. My hands are shivering. Other doctors are treating her."
Even before I could feel anything for his terrifying words, her mom sprang forward, grabbing the collar of his white coat and yelled, her voice trembling, making all of the nurse’s eyes turn towards them, "You are not just a doctor. You are her father. A dad who would give his life to save his daughter’s life. But you are simply sitting and saying you are not able to see her in this condition without fighting to save her. You are the one who taught me love makes us stronger. But why are you sitting weak now? Does your love for Diya makes you weak? If yes, our daughter doesn’t need such a love. Understand what kind of love she needs and give it to her to be a good dad..."
"Maa..." Vijay touched her shoulder, and intervened in a low helpless tone, his other hand trying to remove her hand from his dad’s collar. "Everyone are seeing here, maa. Don’t yell..."
She snapped at him, gripping his collar more tightly as if Vijay was separating her from her husband. "You shut up. I am speaking with my husband, not with you. I am holding my husband’s collar, not yours. I am not fighting with him to advise me, either. I am just trying to make him understand."
Vijay made a face as if he saw this kind of arrogant love a thousand times before and sat down, pressing his palms against his forehead.
She turned to Dr. Krishna again. "Go and treat her. She will need you nearby her. She is the dad’s princess na? Your presence will give her confidence to open her eyes. Go..."
He looked into her eyes for a moment, and stood up, taking a deep breath as if he wanted to erase the pain he saw in his wife’s eyes, as if his life itself revolved around making her smile.
She adjusted his collars, sniffing her nose, her eyes locked into his.
He wiped her tears.
She wiped his tears.
He tapped her cheek gently and walked in again.
I stood there frozen, not because of Diya’s condition this time, but because of a kind of love and chemistry I saw between them not only in silence, but also in yelling. Amidst the chaos!
Were they for real?
In which world couples are like this?
All I saw was fighting, competing to win over the other, blaming, misunderstanding, cheating, and betraying couples.
But this...? This was something different, something I couldn’t understand completely but made me question everything I knew about love till that moment.
For the first time in my life, I wondered whether love didn’t exist as I believed or I just didn’t see it’s existence till that moment.
If I didn’t see something, does it mean it didn’t exist or does it mean I just failed to see the vast world and constrained myself in a little world?
My thoughts were interrupted as my mobile rang again.
I sighed and pulled out my mobile.
It was Nivas.
I answered the call, walking away. "Hello..."
"Hey Arun, where are you? Do you have your music class today?" He asked.
"Yes, but I am not going today," I replied.
"Oh, then if you are free, shall we go to Pondicherry?" He asked.
Pondicherry!
It was a place to escape, where he would drown in the alcohol for fun and I would fill every bit of my emptiness with alcohol. Glass after glass without an end, until I forget myself.
But that day, I didn’t want to go with him. I wanted to be with Diya.
"No. I am not coming. You carry on," I replied.
"Why?"
"That..." I rubbed my forehead, closing my eyes. "That... My house owner’s daughter is admitted in the hospital. She is struggling for life. I am in the hospital."
"If your house owner’s daughter is admitted in the hospital, what’s your problem with it? You are telling me as if she is your wife." He laughed.
What the fuck!
I yelled, "Fuck your mouth. She is a child."
"Child ah?" His voice was puzzled. "You said you are staying in the live well hospital owner’s rental house. As far as I know, he has a grown up daughter and a son. Who is that child now?"
"Ayyo (Oh god)." I slammed my own forehead. "I am talking about his grown up daughter only. She seems to be a child in my eyes."
He laughed. "Oh...that child! You mean baby! Babe! Something odd happened to you. Carry on. Carry on."
Now, he was driving me up the walls!
I disconnected the call and switched off my mobile. I didn’t want to speak with anyone till Diya wakes up.
Returning to Diya’s ward, I glanced at her withered body through the glass door and then sank into the chair beside Vijay, my chest cracking with helplessness.
If I could exchange the health of bodies, I would have exchanged my health with hers, receiving all the open wounds, all her bleeding and all the physical pain of hers to me, just to bring her back to normal. The ache I had out of guilt felt more cruel than any kind of physical pain, more cruel than even death. But no matter how much I wished to bring back her health, all I could do was, sit and wait helplessly for a positive response from doctors.
I didn’t have faith in God to pray for her. But I was repeating in my mind, "Please Diya, wake up."
Another three hours passed like three eras.
Finally, the door was opened.
Her dad and other doctors stepped out, their faces no longer heavy with worry.
Her mom, Vijay and me immediately raised to our feet, all of our eyes on Dr. Krishna.
He smiled, taking Payal mam’s hands in his hands. "Our daughter is safe. She will gain consciousness in the next 12 hours."
A rush of air left my lungs, a relief washing over me.
"She will be alright na?" Her mom asked again.
"Yes." He smiled reassuringly.
She smiled and hugged him.
Vijay, too, smiled finally, and teased them, holding his mom’s upper arm while she was still hugging his dad. "You both na? You both only can romance in hospital."
While his mom released her hug and threw her hand towards Vijay with a smile, his dad rolled his eyes. "But you na? You will not leave us even to hold our hands, not only in the hospital, but also anywhere. Whenever we hold our hands, you will grab your mom’s hands from me. This is happening from the day you were born. Always roaming behind your mom, calling her maa maa, holding her kurti. I still remember your toddler atrocities of walking behind her, holding her kurti end, even when she goes to the bathroom. If she leaves you outside the bathroom, you will cry in a way, the entire AIIMS building would shake."
Vijay grinned awkwardly. "Yes yes. I understand why there are no younger siblings after me. I am the reason for it. Otherwise, Diya akka and I would have had siblings every year till now. Undoubtedly." He bit his tongue.
What? He was speaking as if his parents were his friends. If I said the same to my so-called parents, they would burn me alive.
While my eyes grew wider, his mom hit his shoulder, faking a frown. His dad, too, hit his other shoulder. "You are going overboard."
He grinned awkwardly again.
His mom frown slowly transformed into a warm smile, her eyes forming tears. "But Diya used to hold you in her lap and stop your cry. You too used to stop your cry, if she holds you in her lap. She was/is used to be mature, caring, strong and cheerful till today. I don’t know what happened to her suddenly." A teardrop escaped from her eyes.
My heart tightened. My throat formed a lump, blocking my way to breathe. I breathed through my mouth as my chest was swirling with emotions I never wanted to feel.
Vijay’s colours drained from his face. His dad forced a smile at his mom. "Let her gain consciousness. Let us ask her and solve her problem whatever it is."
She nodded and hugged him again.
He patted her back gently for a moment and released his hug. "Okay. You and Vijay go to the canteen and have your breakfast. I need to visit another patient now."
"No.. I don’t want food until my Diya opens her eyes," she denied.
He shook his head with a forced smile. "Payal, don’t you want to be in consciousness when our Diya wakes up? She will open her eyes at night only. If you are not eating till night, you will also need treatment. Go and eat." He ended his sentence with an ordering tone.
She nodded hesitantly yet obediently and held Vijay’s hand.
Vijay turned to me and called, "Anna, you too come with us."
"No. I’m not hungry. I will be here," I said.
Her mom forced a smile. "How can you not feel hungry? You too didn’t eat anything from the morning. Come with us."
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to eat till Diya wakes up. Even if it takes years for her to wake up!
How could I have food, when the only girl who dragged me innocently for a dinner, was laying there lifelessly because of me? I could never. I couldn’t say the real reason to them, either. It didn’t mean I wanted to hide the truth from her family. But I knew they would throw me away even before Diya woke up, if I said the truth. I just wanted to talk to her, apologize to her, make sure she was alright and then let her decide what punishment she wants to give me. I thought to accept whatever punishment she chose to give me. Before she decides her punishment for me, I didn’t want to let her parents punish me with the truth.
I stammered, "That.. That.. Today is Tuesday na? I am fasting for Lord Muruga." I lied shamelessly who didn’t even know the way to any temples.
"Oh.." Her mom let out a faint smile. "Pray for our Diya, too."
I nodded blankly.
They left to have breakfast.
I walked to the glass door and looked at Diya through window. The innocent, naughty Diya was sleeping silently with oxygen mask on her beautiful face.
But even in her sleeping state, it felt as if she was saying something to me.
Maybe she was scolding me in bad words in her subconscious mind.
A faint smile appeared on my face, imagining her scolding me.
It was strange. It was the first time, I smiled at the thought of someone scolding me.
I pressed my palm against the glass door and thought, "Scold me. Slap me. Kick me. Stamp me. Do whatever you want to do with me. But I want to thank you. Thank you for being alright. Thank you for saving me from an irreversible sin. This is enough for me. I know you are a genius and you will find your own way to be normal and happy again.”
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